A Letter to My Canvasser Friends

(And anyone else who might feel that the shoe fits)

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In the past, I kept silent about this experience because I believe that “no words are better than wrong words”.

However, I also believe in right words.

So after months of rough drafts and redrafts and re-edits, here’s my best attempt at finding those right words.

In the beginning, my experience working in the colporteur world compared to eating a sweet, exotic fruit for the first time. During those years I met my closest friends in the world. To me, my time in this ministry almost felt magical.

I wish it stayed that way. I know I’m not the only one. You see, all those magical vibes shattered when someone in leadership told me I that was trash. Not just trash at canvassing, but also lacking in social ability.

That specific critique matters for many canvassers. In the colporteur community, there’s an almost unspoken belief that being great at door-to-door sales automatically makes you great at being social and talking to people. Also, many of us are natural social butterflies working in a socially demanding ministry. So to have this idea of yourself stripped away from your identity would send most colporteurs’ minds spiraling.

Much like how my mind spiraled. For many months I desperately searched my soul to find what exactly was wrong with me. What is it that might I lack socially? No matter what I theorized, I couldn’t quite figure it out. Meanwhile, those canvassing numbers kept plummeting. So in the words of a high school mate, “You can’t fail if you don’t try”.

So try I didn’t.

More specifically, no more social failures. I built walls very few could scale. No more new faces accepted at my potluck table. I redirected more and more of my free time from socializing towards reading. During a 3 week stretch, I didn’t even talk to any of my classmates. My isolation was so extreme one of my 10 classmates said, “I feel like I don’t even know you”.

In hindsight, I should have expected my canvassing performance to become so trash. For those of you who have canvassed before and will understand these numbers, I didn’t even average 100 during the SOULS Winter Practicum. If that was a Youth Rush program, I‘m pretty sure I would’ve been fired.

Those records made it impossible to shake my inadequate feeling because we constantly heard that “numbers tell stories”, that you could know nearly everything you need from the numbers. If you’re wondering, yes, there’s a grain of truth there, but only a small grain. You see, I’m a basketball fan who loves all the analytics and numbers of the sport. But truly cerebral basketball fans know that all the numbers are subject to the eye-ball test.

You need to watch the game yourself in order to know the full story.

So while my numbers told the story of someone who lacked socially, who was inadequate as a canvasser, the eye-ball test told a slightly different story.

If you broke down my walls, you’d know that I was scared. I was scared of failing because if I failed enough, I could become useless.

I think it’s time to turn my attention to my leader friends in the colporteur ministry because I know you’ve had students with a very similar experience. Again, I really hope these aren’t wrong words, but the story behind almost every sale comes down to value; either the customer values the book or they value colporteur at the door.

And more often than not it’s the colporteur at the door.

If that’s so, shouldn’t we focus more on what kind of colporteurs we help mold them into?

Shouldn’t we be shaping our students into authentic Christians if that’s what the community really values?

Christians who don’t cower in fear? And Christians who believe they have a unique, God-given contribution for our world, despite what the numbers say?

Ultimately, Christians who desire to emulate Christ in the fullest way they possibly can?

Look, I’m not saying that our books are useless or that they have no place in ministry. I know focusing on books and goals doesn’t have to get in the way of discipling. Done right, the two can complement each other.

But it’s not wrong to say that an opposition can exist between our book count and discipleship, is it?

Is it?

I’m sorry, I forgot to finish my story.

Someone relatively well-known visited our canvassing school, and that excited and terrified me all the same.

This also doubles as a shout-out to the accomplished author, wise mother of my favorite songwriter, dropper of prophecy raps, and not to mention a licensed counselor at Abide Counseling… you get the point. If you happen to know Jennifer Schwirzer, you know who I’m talking about.

We had an hour-plus drive to the church we were visiting, and I made sure to claim the front seat of Jennifer’s car. To my surprise, a rather deep conversation ensued (which really shouldn’t be a surprise if you know how Jennifer is). We exchanged life stories throughout the whole car ride. While I believe she learned more about me in that hour and a half than most everyone that I know, Jennifer’s stories contextualized how she happened to care so much about our broken world.

At some point while discussing career choices, Jennifer asked me, “Have you ever considered counseling?”

I almost laughed in her face.

Me, befriending someone enough where they would share some of their most personal issues with me?

Don’t you know that I’m socially useless? That I can’t win someone’s trust so easily? I’m not that social butterfly anymore. After all, I could show you all the numbers.

I think I verbalized some of those thoughts because Jennifer responded to those objections. She gave a long, technical answer, but in a nutshell Jennifer told me, “Well, you befriended me enough, didn’t you?”

Like I said, I believe in right words.

Because right words can impart the courage required to break down the walls of your soul and accept the new faces at your potluck table. Right words can instill a belief that you are needed by someone, prompting you to interact with and get to know your classmates at your community college.

Right words can even banish the fear of telling a story like this one, however wrong my words may be.

Jesus always spoke right words without exception. Among His last before returning to heaven we read, “Therefore, go and make disciples”.

It’s nearly 2019. We have our mandate.

What, were you waiting for Him to come back?